Being muslim and having a northern Nigerian upbringing - which is generally centred around traditional Islam (based on the Qur’an and Sunnah) - there was always internal conflict when it came to music given that I belonged to a larger culture where listening to music was normal. Nigerian culture is complicated and not something that can be easily explained. Whilst to my understanding, there is no outright prohibition on listening to music coming from the Qur’an, there are ayaat (verses) that point towards it’s impermissibility given all the things that are often associated with it (Q31:V6).

But there are some who employ theatrics, only to lead others away from Allah’s Way—without any knowledge—and to make a mockery of it. They will suffer a humiliating punishment

A significant amount of scholars and speakers hold strict positions that any form of music is impermissible but, there are some that take the position that it depends on instruments used, the lyrics or the setting amongst many other things which would determine its permissibility but that is not the topic of discussion. Music remains a prevalent cultural phenomenon which muslims and non-muslims partake in directly (and willingly) or indirectly (and unwillingly). It influences many people’s lives and can provide insight into prevalent beliefs, customs, ideas etc that exist within society. Popular music is often a reflection of societal mood.

Sound and rhythm in the form of music is something that has an undeniable effect on the one who listens to it - this can be viewed as positive or negative depending on one's religious inclinations . It is often used as a tool to display lyrical, vocal or technical talent, communicate ideas and feelings. And what feelings are easiest to express and are very frequently expressed other than the matters of the heart - particularly heartbreak. It is a feeling which is ubiquitous and many can attest to having some experience of it. It is an emotion that does not discriminate based on religion,  skin colour, ethnicity, nationality, social class or any other method of categorising people. Everyone can relate to feeling heartbroken at some point in their life.

Something that has come as a surprise is the ever-growing global popularity of the Afrobeats music genre. The late Fela Anikulapo Kuti -  a Nigerian musician and political activist - is often credited with the creation of the genre. Fela is popular in his own right however, the new generation of Afrobeat musicians have been successful in exporting the sound globally much to the delight of the African diaspora. These songs have become a cultural outlet for many seeking to consolidate their cultural heritage. It is now not unusual to be walking down the main street in Hounslow London hearing one of Rema’s many hit songs blaring  on speakers from high street shops. With the greater proliferation of music and podcasts through streaming services, the new sound which is less politically motivated and more pop-centric has proven palatable even to audiences that don’t understand the specific cultural references being made in these songs. It was to my greatest surprise when I saw a white English teenager in a Nike Tech tracksuit on a bike screaming “Shayooooo!” - an excerpt from a song by a Nigerian artist called “Last Last”. I’m not sure he knew what it meant.

“Last last” is a song by Burna Boy, a popular Nigerian musician. On the surface it seems like any other lively afrobeats song people can dance to but, it has an unexpected undertone of sadness. The music video portrays a lively atmosphere at the musicians' abode. With Igbo (weed) and Shayo (alcohol) at hand Burna Boy soliloquises over a beat with a gang of friends. We get an insight into his lifestyle - luxury cars, jewellery, a swimming pool, travelling using a private jet, performances in front of thousands of people and accolades. This gives the impression of a successful man at the peak of his powers. 

Nothing to discuss o, ‘cause I dey win by default 

Omo, me I be adult o, I no go fit take your insult o

Omo mind as you day talk o

The lyrics contain a combination of English, Yoruba and pidgin English. Pidgin is a popular colloquial language used across West Africa (mostly Anglophone countries) that allows people to communicate with each other despite their different educational, language and tribal backgrounds. He opens up in a typical boastful “Naija no dey carry last” fashion claiming he is ahead of the competition. After that is established, the main topic of the song is introduced - a break up and how he is coping through it with weed and alcohol.

She manipulate my love o

I no holy, and I no denge pose like Baba Fryo

Given he is a public figure his relationships will always come under scrutiny (the public feel like they have a right to scrutinise the relationships of public figures). Due to how things unfolded, he doesn’t claim to be a saint but feels wronged by how the situation was portrayed by the other party. 

I dey Port Hacourt when dem kill Soboma

I dey try to buy Moto, one Toyota Corolla

My feelings been dey swing like jangolova

[...]

Now you crash your  Ferrari for Lekki Burna

Na small thing remain it could have been all over 

My feelings still dey swing like jangolova

He reminisces about his come up in Port Harcourt  and how things have changed. In the past, he dreamed of buying a Toyota Corolla and now he’s dealing with a crashed Ferrari in Lekki, Lagos (possibly due to the use of intoxicants to cope with the break up) - a very affluent part of the south west of Nigeria. This is contrary to Port Harcourt which is located in the Niger Delta part of southern Nigeria. A region which has been plagued by instability and conflict due to the exploitation of its oil rich reserves by foreign oil companies. Whilst oil generates huge revenue for the companies and the Nigerian government their operations have caused environmental harm and the indigenous communities don’t seemingly benefit from the riches that come with the oil. Several militant groups have emerged in retaliation but this has brought about challenges of insecurity and terrorism. Militant groups are a source of inspiration to the youth growing up in that region. They symbolise resistance against their exploitation. Burna Boy refers to the death of one of the leaders of the gang and the disheartening effect this had on him.  

E don cast, Last Last

Na everybody go chop breakfast

Now seemingly far removed from that life and in greener pastures, the same heartache appears in a different form. Burna Boy concedes defeat, proclaiming the inevitability of heartbreak. To paraphrase, “Everything has been exposed, At the end of the day, everybody will experience heartbreak”. It is somewhat surprising to hear a famous, rich music star lament about his challenges in relationships. Suggesting it takes more than money and success to maintain strong and healthy relationships.

Another example comes from the Rap world. Originating from the Bronx and Harlem in New York, America,  the genre has grown into a global phenomenon despite initial criticisms. Some of this include encouraging violence, use of expletives/vulgar speech and objectification of women the genre has achieved global popularity and has taken many alternative forms. In my adolescent years, emo rap was the rave.This form was different as it involved rappers talking about more emotional matters.

“All girls are the same” by Juicewrld (an American rapper) is a song which commentators say paints a contrary image to the typical Rap star -a conqueror of multiple women. The music video portrays elements of surrealism, dramatic lighting and basic cartoon animation. This is supported by rapping in rhythmic lyrics over a melodic rap beat to achieve the perfect portrayal of sadness and melancholy. After yet another failed relationship, the artist drowns his misery out using alcohol and having a one night stand with another woman. Unfortunately for him that relationship too won’t go any further as she isn’t heterosexual - a reality those looking for relationships in western societies have to contend with due to the promotion of freedom of sexuality.  

Hard liquor, Hard truth can’t swallow

Need a bartender to put me out of my sorrow

Wake up the next day in the Monte Carlo

With a new woman, tell me she from Colorado

And she love women, she’ll be gone by tomorrow

Despite his success and access to women due to his status, he still feels unfulfilled in his relationships.

I just want real love, guess it’s been a minute

Pissed off from the way that I don’t fit in (I don’t fit in)

Tell me, what’s the secret to love ? I don’t get it

Feel like I be runnin’ a race I’m not winning

This leads Juicewrld to develop a venomous relationship with all women. He makes sweeping generalisations, blaming women for his misfortunes suggesting all women are unserious about relationships. 

All girls are the same

They’re rotting my brain, love

Think I need a change before I go insane, love

Although the rapper admits something needs to change, another ruthless encounter pushes him over the edge. He uses a barrage of expletives to express how he will no longer try to be reciprocal in his pursuits and will now focus on getting what he wants out of any relationship he engages in.

Ten minutes, she told me it would take ten minutes

To break my heart, oh, no, she didn’t

F*** livin’, I’ma drown in my sorrow

F*** givin’, I’ma take, not borrow

All this is to no avail. He doesn’t get any satisfaction from this approach either leading him to a state of hopelessness and confusion.

And I’m still sinnin’, I’m still losing my mind

I know I been trippin’, I’m still wasting my time

All the time given, am I dyin’? Am I livin’?

In my opinion, the song still maintains the stereotypes that rappers have a reputation of easy access to women. What is different here is that we get exclusive access to the heartbreak and emotional damage that is usually hidden behind the bravado that is often portrayed. Having multiple sexual encounters doesn’t translate to emotional satisfaction. 

Due to its global success, Rap has in many ways become a part of popular culture. However there is a distinct genre referred to as Pop. These songs often include catchy, repetitive lyrics and are made to be played on repeat. The subject matter often ranges but love and heartbreak are often the main topic of discussion. “L’amour de ma vie” by Billie Eilish is an example of this. The title of the song is French for “The love of my life” which is Ironic given the content of the lyrics. The artist is having a conversation (possibly real or imagined) with their ex (previous partner) after their relationship has broken down. The song starts off gentle, where the artist is remorseful for leading the other party on. 

I wish you the best for the rest of your life

Felt sorry for you when I looked in your eyes

But I need to confess, I told you a lie

I said you, You were the love of my life

From the artist's description of events, both parties had a role to play in the breakdown of the relationship. She points out the person claimed to want a long term relationship forcing her to stay using emotional blackmail only to move on as soon as they broke up.  

It isn’t asking for a lot for an apology

For making me feel like it’d kill you if I tried to leave

You said you’d never fall in love again because of me

Then you moved on immediately

Remaining in that sort of situation is bound to cause emotional discomfort, but she expresses also feeling physical pain due to the situation.

Thought I was depressed or loosing my mind

My stomach upset almost all of the time

But after I left it was obvious why

The song then takes a surprising lively turn and the remorseful tone turns into jest. She claims perhaps the man was not genuine in his interest.

You wanted to keep it 

Like something you found

’Til you didn’t need it

What is surprising is that Billie goes on to suggest she is potentially intimately involved with another one of his exes (who is female). But for the sake of hayaa (modesty), the lyrics won’t be quoted. 

These songs reflect the societal struggles with relationships millennials and Gen Z are facing. There is a general dissatisfaction with the modern courtship process. People often have to go through multiple heartbreaks before they find “the one” if they ever do. Granted, it is difficult to make generalisations given that these artists and their lifestyles do not reflect the general public - especially if you have a muslim or religious background. However, the popularity of the songs suggest that many resonate with their message. 

Growing up, I didn’t pay too much attention to my emotions - It didn’t seem important. Only as I’ve gotten older have I started paying attention to how I’m feeling and how it translates in my actions. If it’s about “chopping breakfast” (AKA heartbreak), I’ve had my fair share of breakfast, even lunch and dinner! I often felt heartbroken but didn’t pay it any mind. I simply just moved on to the next potential partner. Processing my engagements with women previously, I do now appreciate there is an emotional realm and one has to pay attention to it to be successful in courtship and relationships. The emotion of heartbreak can be so intense it leads people to want to disassociate from their reality. For some through drugs and alcohol and others through frivolous rebound encounters. 

Music made a big part of my teenage years in comparison to nowadays. I was particularly interested in rap but listened to whatever sounded good. Not much attention was paid to the lyrics and whether I agreed with the values that were being expressed. Looking back, I wonder how much of what I listened to subconsciously influenced how I approached relationships and subsequent heartbreaks. What is particularly concerning as I reflect  is  the trivialisation of addiction and destructive behaviour. One can begin to see the reasoning behind why many call for the prohibition of certain types of music.

Although there are challenges with modern courtship, I believe one should not avoid it all together. There is clearly a deep emotional need for companionship amongst other reasons one seeks romantic relationships. The question is how to approach the process appreciating the practical challenges but also maintaining one's belief and integrity. The question I have is “Can we avoid heartbreak altogether whilst seeking a spouse?”.  Perhaps, this can be explored by looking into the past and considering how people of the past approached courtship.